I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
