From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
