forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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