he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
