New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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