can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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