Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm always down for nudity.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize