I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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