She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
