He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
