mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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