Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
