Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the day after is always just damage control
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
