Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
