The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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