Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
