Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
