I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
