Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
