you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
