i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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