walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
