Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
