I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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