Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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