I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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