i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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