I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
