They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize