I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
