Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
