Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
