Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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