If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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