I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
