Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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