Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
