Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
