You're so nebulous sometimes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
