if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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