My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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