I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
