bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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