Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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