You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
