Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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