Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
