Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
