I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
