Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
