I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
