i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
