i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
