I molested 6 butterflies tonight
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
