So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
