and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
