My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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