even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Randomize
