I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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