Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
