Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
