does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
