I think my fart just growled at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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