I wish you could order shots online.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
