I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
