I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
