I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
