Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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