dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
