dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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