she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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